iPhones And Options

January 24, 2007

Dear Steve Jobs,

I’ve got a small proposition for you. In exchange for my continued loyalty and the occasional favorable mention in this highly influential blog, all I ask for are an iPhone and 10,000 Apple options. You won’t have a problem backdating those to July 11, 1997, will you? The shareholders won’t notice, and if they do, screw ’em. Who do they think they are? I’ll even overlook your own options backdating irregularities. Oh, and please make sure the board has pre-cleared me of any wrongdoing.

I’ve been a loyal Apple fan since the Mac Plus days. And though I’ve strayed a bit of late out of financial necessity ( I work in the computer support industry, where Windows = job security), I’m coming home to Cupertino – in spirit, at least. The kids need want need a new computer, and I’m about to lay down some serious cash on a new iMac and all the trimmings. Mind you, my wife is against the Mac, so I’m going way out on a limb here. If our Mac experience doesn’t turn out insanely great, I’ll be picking dog hair out of my beard for the next year, and I don’t even own a dog. I’ll have to borrow the neighbor’s doghouse.

The irony is, my wife should be the quintessential Mac User. She doesn’t want know anything about her computer, she just wants it to work. Every time I try to talk her through a problem on her Windows PC, her eyes glaze over and her anti-geek shields come up. But she’s trapped in the Windows world by a semi-justified belief that it’s a pain to convert files back an forth between the Mac and Windows. Her previous experience was with a Power Mac, OS 8, and MacLinkPlus. As a Mac user in a Windows-centric world, she could usually reach her destination, but she had to change trains too many times. And keeping with this breathlessly poetical metaphor, you could say that she finally abandoned the TGV for a lumbering, loud, smelly freight train that nearly everyone else was already on.

Now that Parallels and Boot Camp will let me run Windows on the Mac, I’m going to sneek that iMac bullet train in the back door. (OK, the train metaphor is tired now, it’s going to take a rest.) I’m counting on you, Steve, to make sure than our new Mac experience is flawless and beautiful.

I’ll be chronicling the family’s Mac homecoming here, so to make sure I’m in a generous state of mind, get that gorgeous iPhone and those options in the mail.


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